End of the line

Well, that's almost it. I've lost so much money this week, virtually all of my month to date winnings, and I just cannot be fucked with poker any more. I know everyone suffers from variance but I honestly feel that I have been shafted royally for as long as I can remember, having only about 2 months above EV in the 30 months I've been pro. It has been particularly severe this week and I just don't think I'm handling it very well any more. I NEED money with a wedding / vegas holiday to pay for and it is killing me to see others walk off with mine after getting it all in as a 20:80 underdog. Time and time and time again.

So I've taken drastic action and decided to definitely get a job. While I look for work, I'm going to do what I probably should have done from day 1, and claim job seekers allowance. I have always felt that it would be immoral of me to claim it when I am earning a living playing poker, but as I am currently failing in that profession and therefore broke I have bitten the bullet and going to join the Byker masses collecting dole money. I don't actually expect this to be my long term solution as I'm aiming to write up my CV over the weekend and hit the employment agencies on Tuesday next week. No more pissing about, time to get back to work.

In semi poker related news, I'm also moving again. Me and the mrs are downsizing to a studio on the other side of the water, cutting our monthly rent and bills by more than a third. I do like the quayside views from my current location, but we really don't need 2 bedrooms and it seems like a waste of non-existent money when we don't need to spend it - especially when there are other things to think about (honeymoon, food, etc). Although small, I actually think the new place could be really good - it's 20 seconds walk away from the Hilton and we're both planning on signing up for the gym there so we should get some good use out of it. It's also about a ten to fifteen minute walk away from Circus casino so if I ever do feel like hitting the tables again I won't have far to go!

I'm going to play at Aspers on Saturday I think but after that I may well take some time away from poker, especially if I get some temp work sorted. Online poker can definitely go fuck itself for all I care!!!

Job Search Update

Hasn't really started yet!  I am seriously trying to put it off, even though I still feel it's inevitable that I need to get one. The problem is I haven't even sorted out a CV yet so I can't sign up at a temp agency until I get this done. Maybe next week :-)

In the meantime, I've been playing a bit of poker..... and it's been going OK if not spectacular. I'm £350 up online playing NL50 and below 6max. I've also been the casino 3 times and up around £100 from there, and won a freeroll for another £75 so not been too shabby. Maybe if I run good again next week I might postpone the job search. Certainly gives me some incentive to play well I can tell you!

Also been good to have a weekly poker strategy session with Brenos so hoping this continues as believe it's going to help my game massively. He plays far more aggressively (and fearlessly) than I do so will be good to get a different perspective on strategy. Maybe he might even get round to updating his blog one of these days as well...

The fat lady is clearing her throat...

... there are some people on the pitch too.  In fact, nearly everyone thinks it's all over. Including me sadly :-(    Looks like the dream is dying, at the very least temporarily.

I just can't seem to make any real money at the moment, and my diminishing bankroll is stopping me playing any higher in case I have a few bad beats it crushes me completely. I still have a fair bit of savings but really don't want to throw them at something that doesn't look like it is working out so stuck in no mans land at the moment - I can't win that much playing micro micro stakes, but scared shitless of moving up and getting crushed. 

Anyway, here are the figures for the month of October:

6max: £36
Rakeback / Bonus: £296
TOTAL ONLINE: £332
Live Cash: £26
TOTAL PROFIT: £358

Needless to say I'm pretty mortified at the moment. I've resigned myself to the fact that I need to get a job pretty soon, i.e. this month, so will gradually get round to writing up my CV this week and probably signing on while I look around. I know there is fuck all out there and also that I'll be taking a big drop from where I was when I left work so all pretty demoralising at the moment. To be fair, I'm not even sure that I want to head back in to the accountancy world as it did bore me shitless, but the problem I have is that I'm not qualified for anything else. My work life sucks balls at the moment.

If I do end up quitting the poker full time, I won't quit playing on the side. I still think I can win money at this game and actually think having the pressure taken off will help my win rate. I'll probably also spend more time studying and updating this blog - I mean - what else do people do in offices all day apart from surf the web and send emails to their friends?!?!  Whatever happens, it's been a learning experience. At least I can say I tried, even if it ultimately ends in failure.

I'll keep this blog updated on latest developments, as and when I have any news.