End of the line

Well, that's almost it. I've lost so much money this week, virtually all of my month to date winnings, and I just cannot be fucked with poker any more. I know everyone suffers from variance but I honestly feel that I have been shafted royally for as long as I can remember, having only about 2 months above EV in the 30 months I've been pro. It has been particularly severe this week and I just don't think I'm handling it very well any more. I NEED money with a wedding / vegas holiday to pay for and it is killing me to see others walk off with mine after getting it all in as a 20:80 underdog. Time and time and time again.

So I've taken drastic action and decided to definitely get a job. While I look for work, I'm going to do what I probably should have done from day 1, and claim job seekers allowance. I have always felt that it would be immoral of me to claim it when I am earning a living playing poker, but as I am currently failing in that profession and therefore broke I have bitten the bullet and going to join the Byker masses collecting dole money. I don't actually expect this to be my long term solution as I'm aiming to write up my CV over the weekend and hit the employment agencies on Tuesday next week. No more pissing about, time to get back to work.

In semi poker related news, I'm also moving again. Me and the mrs are downsizing to a studio on the other side of the water, cutting our monthly rent and bills by more than a third. I do like the quayside views from my current location, but we really don't need 2 bedrooms and it seems like a waste of non-existent money when we don't need to spend it - especially when there are other things to think about (honeymoon, food, etc). Although small, I actually think the new place could be really good - it's 20 seconds walk away from the Hilton and we're both planning on signing up for the gym there so we should get some good use out of it. It's also about a ten to fifteen minute walk away from Circus casino so if I ever do feel like hitting the tables again I won't have far to go!

I'm going to play at Aspers on Saturday I think but after that I may well take some time away from poker, especially if I get some temp work sorted. Online poker can definitely go fuck itself for all I care!!!

Job Search Update

Hasn't really started yet!  I am seriously trying to put it off, even though I still feel it's inevitable that I need to get one. The problem is I haven't even sorted out a CV yet so I can't sign up at a temp agency until I get this done. Maybe next week :-)

In the meantime, I've been playing a bit of poker..... and it's been going OK if not spectacular. I'm £350 up online playing NL50 and below 6max. I've also been the casino 3 times and up around £100 from there, and won a freeroll for another £75 so not been too shabby. Maybe if I run good again next week I might postpone the job search. Certainly gives me some incentive to play well I can tell you!

Also been good to have a weekly poker strategy session with Brenos so hoping this continues as believe it's going to help my game massively. He plays far more aggressively (and fearlessly) than I do so will be good to get a different perspective on strategy. Maybe he might even get round to updating his blog one of these days as well...

The fat lady is clearing her throat...

... there are some people on the pitch too.  In fact, nearly everyone thinks it's all over. Including me sadly :-(    Looks like the dream is dying, at the very least temporarily.

I just can't seem to make any real money at the moment, and my diminishing bankroll is stopping me playing any higher in case I have a few bad beats it crushes me completely. I still have a fair bit of savings but really don't want to throw them at something that doesn't look like it is working out so stuck in no mans land at the moment - I can't win that much playing micro micro stakes, but scared shitless of moving up and getting crushed. 

Anyway, here are the figures for the month of October:

6max: £36
Rakeback / Bonus: £296
TOTAL ONLINE: £332
Live Cash: £26
TOTAL PROFIT: £358

Needless to say I'm pretty mortified at the moment. I've resigned myself to the fact that I need to get a job pretty soon, i.e. this month, so will gradually get round to writing up my CV this week and probably signing on while I look around. I know there is fuck all out there and also that I'll be taking a big drop from where I was when I left work so all pretty demoralising at the moment. To be fair, I'm not even sure that I want to head back in to the accountancy world as it did bore me shitless, but the problem I have is that I'm not qualified for anything else. My work life sucks balls at the moment.

If I do end up quitting the poker full time, I won't quit playing on the side. I still think I can win money at this game and actually think having the pressure taken off will help my win rate. I'll probably also spend more time studying and updating this blog - I mean - what else do people do in offices all day apart from surf the web and send emails to their friends?!?!  Whatever happens, it's been a learning experience. At least I can say I tried, even if it ultimately ends in failure.

I'll keep this blog updated on latest developments, as and when I have any news.

Sept 2011 results

Well, this month never really got started. As per last post I had a sick sick run which knocked me back from
1. playing A game, as without doubt tilted and stressed myself this month
2. winning enough to return to stakes I should / want to be playing.

All in all a not at all satisfactory month:

6max:  £147
MTT: -£20
STT: £40
Rakeback / Bonus: £485

Total online profit: £652


More hours, effort and tilt management needed for October. Hopefully this will also be the month Brenos finally gets back in the game so looking forward to having some poker workshops to try and bounce ideas off someone - definitely think this is an area I've neglected and could seriously help me.

Sick sick sick

I am running worse than Sogelau Tuvalu in the 100metres at the moment, losing EVERY showdown and unable to win despite the HUGE statistical advantage I have when the cards are flipped. This isn't to mention of course people who call 4bets with A3 suited for 2/3rds of their stack only to hit a flop of T33 vs my AA. Poker sucks balls.

Here's my graph - 2500 big blinds behind EV this month. Awesome.

September so far

Been pretty rough to be honest.  Firstly one of my old football buddies sadly died at the age of 26, having been suffering for almost 3 years with a disease I will only spell wrong so will just say it wasn't nice. Not only was it a sad loss but also actually unexpected, as he had been on the road to recovery before he suddenly died of heart failure following a routine surgery. His funeral was immensely sad but his family were amazing - welcoming everyone and giving a moving tribute at the ceremony. RIP Gary.

With this in mind, my troubles on and off the tables are all pretty small time, but as this is my poker blog I guess I better update it anyway.  I'm running badly on BOSS network at the moment, but grinding through it on the low stakes still. Currently around approx. £300 up for month on 6max cash games, so still a little short of the £500 target I wanted before moving up to NL100 again. Also crashed out of a £1k freeroll STT  through Virgin, losing a race with 77 vs AQ all in pre - very standard but if had won that I fancied my chances as there would only have been 6 left, I would have been chip leader and there was even a guy sitting out who forgot it was on presumably!  Amazing value from Virgin though so looking forward to qualifying again this month.  Rakeback is totting up though so not in dire sorts at the moment, and apart from the odd brain fart I'm actually playing pretty well, getting my money in good a lot but being shatfed by the cards a lot too. Still optimistic for month though.

Running bad also in house buying. Had found an apartment that me and mrs were looking to buy in Battle Hill, and although historically not the nicest of areas the new build estate did look safe enough and a good investment. Even though I can't get a mortgage and count as a 'dependable adult' - i.e. need to be looked after by my mrs do to no official income - we were all set to go ahead under her name only until the building group started being arsey and demanded we move in within 2 weeks. If we were in the same situation next year I'm pretty certain we would go ahead, but with Vegas wedding not too far off now (April next year) we decided to play safe and save our pennies. 3 months double rent / mortgage + bills is no way to prepare for Vegas honeymoon, and despite expert bargaining on our part we could not get building group to give us £2k cashback to help the move go ahead.  Understandable but annoying.

That's about it so far - will try and keep this updated weekly from now on til rest of year at least.

July and August 2011 P&L

Been a long time since I posted anything on here, mainly because of denial of a continuing bad poker trend in the last few months. I've bitten the bullet now and decided to stick on July and August results though, and will have a bit of chat afterwards.

July 2011

6 max: -£134

PLO: -£2

Full Ring: £15

Total Online: -£121

Live Tournaments: -£44

Live Cash: £99

Total Live: £55

TOTAL LOSS: -£66

August 2011

6max: £1,076

PLO: -£18

Full Ring: -£45

Rakeback / Bonus: £409

Total Profit: £1,423

As you can see, a bit of a contrast between July and August. I feel like I've relearnt 6max poker having not really played it for 10 months, and actually really enjoying it at the moment. I'm still on bankroll rebuild mode at the moment, playing NL50 and below, but been CRUSHING on the Boss network so my aim is to continue this and hopefully get back to playing NL100 this month.

With the upturn in fortunes online I've somewhat abandoned Aspers and the live games for the time being. I was winning a sizeable chunk in July but 2 losing sessions of £185 and £307 - the last while trying and failing at a shot on 1/2 - meant that a reasonable live month was ruined. The games are still soft so I will be returning a bit this month I think, but nowhere near the volume I put in over the summer. I will miss the Asperes points though as loved eating at Freyas for free!

Plans for this month:

- Crush NL50 and below to get to £500 profit for month

- Once hit £500 profit, take shots at NL100

- Watch 20 cardrunners videos - ten on 6max, ten on PLO

- maybe buy a house?!?!