The World Explained - Part 1

(Confucius - not as wise (or as old) as me!)

Part 1 of 1

After a lot of struggle and many false starts, I think I’ve managed to crack one of the biggest mysteries in life: How do people get up early to go to work?

For 8 years my body has manipulated my brain in to thinking it was impossible, that my limbs NEED that extra 9 minutes (then another 9, then another 9….) that the snooze button represents. It’s done such a good persuasion job that I think I have only seen the office about 5 times before 8:45 am during my entire career, and on every occasion I’ve had to fight the sleep demons from 2 pm onwards. Not any more though, for I have discovered the answer….. magic 4:30 p.m. poker!!

It started about 2 weeks ago, when for some unknown reason I couldn’t get back to sleep when K was setting off at 6:45 am to get to her all day shift in Morpeth. I zombied my way through the early morning shower / breakfast / ironing / drive to work routine, surprisingly avoiding any eye-resting / Azz at 1am in a nightclub after kind of accident, and got through work thanks to multiple trips to the coffee machine. At 3:30 pm I started grinning and realised that my day was nearly completed, and started plotting my early evening before K got back from work. As I’m sure most of the people who are reading this can testify to, if your other half is out of the house for any reason for any length of time there’s only one thing that can / should be done – and it isn’t the washing / cleaning before anyone chips in!

I therefore get home and immediately fire up the laptop for an illicit afternoon poker session. I’m not sure whether it was the fact I was still fully awake and able to play my best game, whether the cards fell my way or I just found some fish, but I quickly forgot about my previously horrific month and rattled off a few buy ins in profit. When K arrived home at 7 ish, instead of my usual frowning face signalling the recent end of a long boring day at work, she was met with a more pleasant (I hope) smile – probably prompting wonderings about why the hell I was so happy – until of course I’d explained the previous 2 hours.

This is now a regular event, and in the past 2 weeks and 6 early evening sessions, I have yet to lose more than ½ a buy in and won considerably more on my good days. My morning alarm is now no longer greeted with a loud groan and mutterings of abusive language normally only directed at Newcastle United FC board members –instead it’s like a lightening bolt firing me out of bed, as I know that the quicker I’m up, the faster I’m at work and the earlier I can leave… which equates to more poker and hopefully more profit!

Yesterday’s poker session was cut short by K coming home early, but in the 25 minutes and 81 hands that I managed to win £110 to put me in profit straight away for June. I’m hoping for the same again tonight before I head off for football – although I am now panicking that the legendary Holmes Blog curse is going to kick in and punish me for showing off about good results….

We shall see soon enough….